I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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