I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
