Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
