Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wanna go halves on a baby?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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