Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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