You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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