Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
