so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
