Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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