Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
