you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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