so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
