You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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