something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
