A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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