obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just puked most of my soul out..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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