dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I FOUND THE LEGS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
