Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm at about main and main street
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
