My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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