I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
