I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
