The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
