Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
