I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
