using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
