I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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