when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize