because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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