Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
