I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
