I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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