I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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