im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
