one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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