there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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