Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
