I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
