You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
