Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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