He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
