Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
