you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
