Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we should paint friendship bongs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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