farters have to be the big spoon...
I just gift wrapped bread.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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