every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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