Me too!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
