I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
