Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
