What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
