The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize