The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
