Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
