I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.