Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.