I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.