I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
