Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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