Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
