Where did you get a picture of my penis
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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