you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
