Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
