im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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