I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
