And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
