PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
