barbara walters just said penis...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize