lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize