We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
