he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
