I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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